Today's Affirmation

 

"Today, I will set a boundary and stick with it.  I will not relent."

 

 

One morning, as I looked into the mirror, I saw a woman staring back at me that I did not recognize.  She had my eyes and nose and mouth and hair, but there was something about her that was unrecognizable. 

 

I stared into her eyes and said to her, "How did we get here?  How did we come to this point where we don't even recognize each other?"  The answer was far simpler than I realized at that moment.  The answer was Boundaries and Limitations.

 

Over the years, I had modified myself according to what others wanted, what others needed.  I had become, not a better, more mature version of myself, but someone who did not know when to put herself first, to take care of herself.  I became the ultimate doer for others and I atrophied, wrinkled, and dried up inside.  I gave until I didn't even realize what I had done.  This was the woman staring at me in the mirror that morning.

 

It is essential for our personal health and well-being to determine what our limits and boundaries are.  Before, I thought that by setting boundaries and limitations I was selfish, and that thought made me feel guilty, and it went against everything I had been taught in my very traditional childhood.

 

But that morning, staring at the stranger in the mirror, I realized that I had been wrong.  I had drawn a line, but that line keep moving farther and farther back until my back was against the wall, and there was nowhere else for me to go.  I was spent.  I had given all that I had and now I had nothing left for myself.

 

Maybe you recognize this story.  It is a common one.  Maybe this is your story today, right now, and you are wondering, "What the hell do I do now?"

 

For me, I had to contemplate the empty shell that stared back and ask myself, "How do I fix this?  How do I bring this emotional and spiritual corpse back to life?"  I began to see this person as someone who needed my help, and since I was a helper, I could help her.  I could care about her.  I could nurture her and nurse her back to health.

 

It took a long time to resurrect her, but it was worth it.  And that is something you need to realize about yourself.  YOU are worth it.  YOU are just as important as everyone else in your life.  In fact, Maybe you are even more important, because if you weren't, no one would have relied on you to do the job for them, to give to them, to do for them at the expense of yourself.

 

I began with baby steps.  I began with taking a hard look at myself and asking myself, "What do I need ?"  It dawned on me that the invisible lines that were my boundaries no longer existed, and I needed to reestablish them.  Slowly, I began to say 'No," or "I'd like to but it isn't a good time for me now."  Slowly, I began to focus more on myself and become more consciously aware of my own energy level and what was best for me.

 

I knew I would piss off some people with my new focus.  And I did.  Those who had always been used to me doing for them without question, became angry and said some lousy things, but I shielded myself, and realized that they did this because I would no longer allow them to use the manipulation they had always used to get me to do what they wanted.  Little by little. however, as I stuck to  my guns, they relented, but they tried different techniques to manipulate me into giving in to their needs.  I held steadfast.  Eventually, the dust settled, they relented, and I recovered.

 

I have found, that if I am not vigilant, that I can get myself right back into that situation if I am not careful.  Recently, I made a pact with myself.  I created two categories:  Essential and Nonessential.

Each day I take the time to evaluate what is essential for me and what is nonessential.  I let go of the nonessential and focus on the essential.  So far, I have managed to keep myself focused and free of all kinds of commitments that would deplete my energy and commitment to my priorities.

 

I want this story to be a testament to you that if this is your story too, you can resurrect yourself.  You can give yourself a chance to recoup your losses.  You must be brave, however, because people will resent that you are finally maintaining a boundary, and are saying NO.  But don't relent out of guilt.  Hold steadfast to your commitment to have a boundary. 

 

Give it a try.  Try one incident, maybe with a colleague, since you have less invested in a relationship with a colleague than with a family member or close friend.  Stick to it and see what happens.  Let the results empower you.  If they get pissed off, then you know you are doing the right thing.

 

Good luck.  I will send healing and powerful energy your way to help you maintain your boundary and your steadfastness to it.

 

In Love and Light-Always,

R